Alice in Camelot
by Syna Seth Esia
Summary: A madness complemented by amnesia and a higher purpose will lead one girl into the deepest pits of the her own personal hell and back again in time for tea with a king and his court who may be even madder than she is. But if everyone's crazy, who decides which world is true?
1. Forgotten Madness

Chapter 1: A Hypnotic Start

I came to in a garden of blue flowers. For some reason, this was the first thing I noticed. Only then did it register that the sky was black. There was still light, the sun peeking through dark clouds, resting its rays upon the garden. But looking up, my eyes could only find an abyss of gray and black, an ash and soot filled horizon. Breathing, gasping, I found the air to be clear, crystal even. As if I was on a mountain and, after spending a lifetime sheltered in the city, finally understood what was meant by "fresh air". Greedily breathing it in and finding my courage, I sat up. I was nearly overcome with dizziness but by digging my nails into the soft earth, I was able to steady myself. My ears rung as my vision seemed to zoom in and out of focus. Turning wildly, I was able to grasp that I was on a hill, housing only blue flowers. Blue of every shade, no doubt, but only blue above the green pasture. The garden was fenced in and well taken care of but looking beyond the gate, I could only see a dry and desolate grassland, a dying, yellow looking thing. Almost as if all the moisture in the land had been drawn to this one little space. A patch of perfect beauty. However, despite some insects and the sound of bees, I couldn't find signs of other life. Just me, alone. No homes, no traffic, no planes. Alone. Left to wonder only about myself, I came to an inescapable question:

Who am I?

No, really. Who the hell was I? What was my name? I knew I had one…C…something. I introduced myself all the time! I had to! I worked for a...that…oh fuck. Who did I work for? What did we do? _Stuff. We did stuff._ Oh, that was helpful, brain. _Yeah, cuz talking to your brain like it's separate from yourself is definitely helpful._ Shut up, brain.

I took a breath and looked around again, realizing I had no idea how I'd gotten here. The garden seemed to have a weird calming effect. As I spotted the flowers, I wanted to lay back down, rest a little, I worked too much. But then I realized that was CRAZY. I needed to get the fuck out of here. Once I figured out where here was. I looked past the fences and saw a worn out road but the end of it disappeared into the horizon and seeing how I was looking at it from the highest point, that must be really, really far away. Miles, and miles. But, I saw no other signs of civilization. Even the sky seemed out of place. It didn't look like this. It was beautiful; blue with white fluffy clouds lazily meandering across it. I know it. I watched the sky. _You don't even know your name, how would you know the sky?_ SHUT UP, BRAIN.

I attempted to stand, and was surprised when my legs didn't support me. I fell back down, resting on my knees. That's when I noticed that I was filthy and injured. Dirt, manure and dry blood coated me. There was a pain at my hip and I realized I had a thin cut on it, scabbed over. My back was sore, as if I'd fallen and landed on it. But perhaps the most disconcerting was the fact that I was wearing a semi short white dress. I didn't wear dresses! I wore…something else. Not dresses. Dresses were for girls…and I was…well, a girl, but not a dress wearing girl.

 _Honey, you need to get your priorities straight. The fact that you're wearing a dress is not the most pressing concern right now._

Shut up, brain. What do you know? I have to-

 _I'M NOT YOUR BRAIN!_

WHAT THE ACTUAL FLYING TURTLE FUCK, did my brain just interrupt me? How do thoughts interrupt themselves?! WHAT IS GOING ON?!

 _I'm not your brain and I'm not your thoughts. My name is Ashe. And the questions you need to be asking are: who are we, how did we get here and how do we get home?_

Oh fuck. Realization coming to me in a rush of fear, panic, isolation, loneliness and forgotten pain. I remembered what had haunted me since I was a child, the dreams, the visions, the constant headaches. I was a schizophrenic psychic medium.

And this was my hell.


	2. Instinctive Hate

Ashe's voice drilled into my mind. It sounded like a distorted echo, undiscernible as a boy or girl, coming from a crappy microphone originating from the base of my skull. Inescapable and absolute. My own thoughts, yet foreign to me. For some reason, I felt cheated. As if I knew Ashe wasn't supposed to be there. But how could I know that when I didn't even know who I was?

"Shut up!" I screamed loudly, gripping the sides of my head, hoping to quiet Ashe's demands on what to do next. Seemingly, my head fell quiet. I found that I was breathing heavy and fallen over into the fetal position, the cold creeping up on my sweaty body. Panic filled me. I recognized Ashe. I knew they'd spoken to me before, guided me. I knew they couldn't hurt me. I knew I was in control. Yet, I knew something was very, very wrong. They couldn't be there any longer. Ashe was supposed to be gone. I was supposed to be happy.

I tightened my fists, and forced my weight on my legs. I stumbled again, but got back up. In a flurry, I ran to the gates, feeling the flowers die beneath my feet, and my hair blow behind me. I pushed on the creaky, flaky painted white gate and when I looked around again…

I screamed in shock. I was in a forest! A GODDAMN, MOTHERFUCKING FOREST! It was lush; a dark beautiful green littered the floor, moss and plants every few steps. The trees were so tall and expansive that I would barely see above. Where before the rays of the sun struggled between clouds, now, it strained to get a centimeter of light through the canopy. I gasped, moving backward on instinct and I saw it all disappear, revert back into the desolate wasteland with the forever faded road in the background. Looking down, I saw the white gate, with the paint chipping off. I looked back, and sure enough the blue garden was there, footsteps leading back to the indentation where I had laid. I stepped forward, and the scene changed. A beautiful blue parcel became a dark cave, moist and cold, wind blowing my hair in my face. Suddenly, in a flurry of a black and wings, bats flew out at me, converging all around me, the sound of their fluttering and squeaking overtaking my ears. When it stopped, I realized I had tightly shut my eyes and covered my face with my hands. I turned quickly, but all the bats had varnished. My situation made it impossible to know whether they'd flown away too fast or if they'd ever been there at all.

Gasping, I spun slowly, my head feeling dizzy.

 _Don't pass out on me._ Ashe said. _I was quiet to let you get your bearings. But I won't let us sleep again. The world changed. Get over it. We have to decide what we're going to do now._

Ashe's voice shook me from the ground up. It was both disturbing and comforting at the same time. I shook my head, my temper rising inexplicably. I didn't know who I was. I didn't know where I was. How I'd gotten there, what was going on, or if it was my madness or something supernatural that was causing this. But! I knew one thing with excruciating certainty. Ashe wasn't right.

"There is no we." I announced, the determination of my voice shocking myself. I took off, instinct driving me northwest.

 _You can't just ignore me. I am you._ Ashe chastised.

"Well, I am no one. So, yes I can."

 _You misunderstand how this works. We are no one._

"I am me!" I yelled, my voice hoarse against the cold of the forest yelled. "And, whoever that is, I am in control!" While I knew this to be true, I couldn't help but feel I was poking the belly of the beast, daring it to prove me wrong while simultaneously being terrified to do anything else.

 _Tch, tch, tch._ I could almost feel my own finger shaking back and forth as Ashe said this. _You don't really think that you're the permanent personality here, do you?_

 **What?!** I thought back, panic filling me as doubt creeped into my mind. What if Ashe really could take control?

My worry made me miss a thick tree root in front of my path. I spilled over it, hitting the ground head first. Disoriented, a stinging pain in my nose made me check to see if it was broken.

 _Hahahaha!_ Ashe's distorted laugh haunted me. A major headache split into me, originating from the base of my skull and ringing in an ungodly cacophony in my ears and temples. Anxiety hit me as my fingers came away wet from my nose. My eyes lost their focus, making it impossible to examine my hand. _Oh, honey. Face down in the mud is surely the best answer to newfound arrogance. You're not the permanent personality. Hell, you're not even the original. Enjoy your new control, you only have a few moments until she wakes up and takes it back._

Slowly, my frightening double vision reverted back to its normal state and sure enough, the moisture on my hand was not blood, but mud. While that should be a comfort, my brain could only focus on what Ashe had just said. And, by focus, I mean rudimentarily process as the individual words swam disjoint throughout my head. Eventually, the basics formed a sentence which rang, and rang, and echoed and echoed in my poor, damaged brain.

 **I wasn't the original…?**

Ashe's laugh resounded within me, making me feel sick to my stomach. _She'll make quick work of you. She got rid of the others who were more of a burden than a help to her little quest._

 **She…? Who's she?!** I demanded. But my unwanted mindmate had fallen silent. **Ashe! WHO'S SHE?! ASHE!**

My temper came to a breaking point. I hated Ashe. Somehow, that seemed to be more of a memory than a recent discovery. I decided that Ashe was manipulating me. Trying to shake me up. Maybe that would let it take control. Maybe that was just their form of entertainment. I didn't know. I convinced myself that I didn't care. Ashe was silent now. And somehow, I knew I was going the right way. To what, I couldn't know. But, it was right. It had to be. Therefore, I decided I had to get down to business. Raising to my feet and wiping the mud from my face with my sleeve, my ankle hurt, my knees felt that they might give out again, my head hurt from all sides, and I felt an emotional heat from behind my eyes. But, it didn't matter. It couldn't. It was time to move again.

I was running, continuing northwest for some time until suddenly the need to turn east slightly hit me like a tidal wave in my gut. I didn't question it. Dimly, I was aware the dark forest was growing more tenebrous. The chirps of birds turned into the woots of owls. The scurrying of squirrels had become the slithering of snakes. Leaves, shadows, and ominous creatures danced on my peripheral. While I couldn't deny what seemed to be debilitating fear, my instincts screamed at me that if I just kept running I'd be fine. Keep running. Keep running. I told myself. Tears dripped down my mud stained face, leaving a bitter taste in my mouth.

 **Faster.** I thought, in what seemed to be a mix of instincts and conscious thinking **Ignore everything, just move faster.** My jog became more aerodynamic. Face pointed to the backwind, drying my tears. It became more of a struggle, my breathing becoming heavy all too quickly.

 **Almost there.** My instincts shouted at me. **Faster.** I broke into a sprint. **No. Faster. Faster! FASTER. FASTER! FASTER!**

 **"** GET DOWN!" A deep voice shouted, breaking me out of my trance. As my surroundings barreled into my consciousness, I became aware of three things. That I'd entered a clearing and was coming up unto a campfire. That in my way was a muscle bound, dark-skinned man who was swinging a huge double sided axe at my face. And, three, that I had way too much momentum to stop in time to avoid it.


End file.
